The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
