The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
