Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
