Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
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