SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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