i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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