i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
