I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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