Ketchup is God's man juice
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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