Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
