you traded sex for a burrito?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
