Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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