okay pat passed out under dana's car
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
