Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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