I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
