Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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