he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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