dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Barsexuality is the new black.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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