i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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