and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I love you. Go after that dick
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
