I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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