the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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