I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
