your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
