I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
