Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
