That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
