I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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