well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
