If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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