hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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