if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
