Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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