So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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