butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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