4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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