I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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