I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
