im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
