this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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