dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
