i permit you to call me
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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