This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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