I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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