ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
