Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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