you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
