I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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