i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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