6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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