I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
