And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
